It was my day off, I should have been sleeping.....Thanks Neener

"A Christmas episode? Why are they showing a Christmas episode of Ellen? Seems like a random re-run to be showing at the end of July. Weird." It's 9:30am, I should be in bed out cold right now, but nooo, I'm in this dreadful place.

The lady's voice from the counter brought me back to reality. "Here you go, fill out these forms. The top two copies are for you, the rest are for me. Make sure you sign all the pages and initial where it asks."

I hate signing all these forms. I never read any of them. It could be telling me that I am signing away the life of my first born child and I would be clueless. I probably should be reading them, but that's not the American way of doing things. Everyone knows you are supposed to rifle through the papers and sign them as quickly as possible. Alas, I digress, lets get back to the story.

It sucks being here. The smell of old people, the whining of drills, and I'm pretty sure I just heard a baby goat being slaughtered in the back room. That's right, you guessed it. I'm at the dentist. My name finally gets called from the back room...

...Let's take a step back and take a look at why I am here. I haven't been to the dentist in about 5 years. I brush a few times a day and floss regularly, but the other day my sister Caitlin, my family often calls here Neener, saw a little dark spot on one of my teeth. I had a filling once when I was young, but it was because when my tooth came in it didn't have enamel on part of it and they had to do a filling so it wouldn't rot. I honestly couldn't even remember what tooth that had been done on. Back to the story...

....As I headed to the back room I saw the lady that was calling my name. She was rocking her Indian head dressing and her name was Hansamala or something like that. Now I was sure I heard a baby goat being slaughtered back here. She told me stories about growing up on Bauka Lauka Dauka Street in Dirka Dirkastan and about how she had put Jihads on a few Infidel's growing up......Nahh, she didn't tell me anything like that, but I did imagine it.

I hadn't been to this office before so she had to take somewhere around 4,000 xrays of my mouth. It hit me! Why blow yourself up in a bombing when you can xray everyone into stupidity! I could literally feel myself getting dumber xray by xray. What a brilliant plan! We just sit there all unsuspecting and they zap our brains into mush! I probably have like 7 malignant brain tumors now. On a more serious note, she was a very nice lady....FOR A TERRORIST! No, I'm just joking.....but seriously.

Anyway, 6 billion brain cells later I was off to see the doctor and get my black spotted tooth, which I assumed was a cavity, looked at. After what seemed like an eternity, probably about a minute and a half, the dentist rolled and and ask what seems to be the problem. I told him how my sister had seen a spot on my tooth and I just assumed it was a cavity. "Where is it?" He asked. I pointed. "That? That's the filling that you have." I felt like an idiot. I thought to myself for a second, "This clearly isn't my fault, how was I supposed to remember where that filling was? Thanks a lot Neener! Make me waste a perfectly good morning on my day off!" After all I had to blame this trip on somebody, clearly not myself. It's not like she was looking out for my well being or anything, there was clearly some malicious intent in there ;) Bottom line is, because I'm retarded I wasted two hours for no reason at the dentist office. Seriously though, thanks for looking out for me Neener, I really do appreciate it.

Oh, the fun of the dentist. I went in with a perfectly good mouth and came out with brain cancer...

Disclaimer: No goats were harmed in the making of this blog.